Juan Jose

The story of a gay man, from a village to the big cities and back to the Dorf!

Érase una vez…

… a little boy that grew up in a small village of around 200 people.  This village is called Fuentenebro and it is located in Spain, 2 hours north from Madrid. I consider I had a happy childhood. Growing up in a village as a kid is fantastic. You have the freedom to run around near nature playing with your friends. I was also doing good at school so all was fine. 

At that time I already showed some sparks of rainbowness since I preferred to play with Barbies and Ponies with the girls instead of football with the boys.  This raised some comments among some neighbours but mainly reinforcing: “Why not? Boys can also play with dolls!!!” 🙂 For sure there may have been other negative comments but I generally didn’t get to know them so all fine! 🙂

The villager goes to the “capi”

When I was 18, I had to move out of the village to study at university and I chose to move to the capital Madrid where part of my family already lives to study Industrial Engineering.  That was a real game changer for me. Such a big city with so much to offer, so much to learn, so beautiful places to visit… I was fascinated. Still Engineering was tough so I had to study a lot as well.

Coming out!!! 

Feeling sexually attracted to men was always inside me since I can remember but I was always trying to control those thoughts and to not behave too “feminine”.  I also felt attracted to women but it was never that strong.   It all changed during 3rd year of uni when another friend from the students dorm told me he was in love with me!!.  Nothing really happened with him since he was not really my type but that made me realized that I could also be attractive to other men and since that moment my interest for women totally disappeared and I fully focused on guys.  9 months later I was kissing my first boy, David 😮 in photo below.  We are still very good friends 🙂

About the rest of coming out process, the following 2 years I was slowly telling to my closest friends first and all the reactions were very positive and supportive.  Till I reached my parents.  There the experience was not that nice, actually a bit dramatic but at least I told them.  After that it became a taboo topic: “Don’t ask, don’t tell” for the following years.

From Madrid to London: the villager goes international

But this young man from the village still had bigger dreams.  I wanted to have the experience of living in another country and improve my English so, in September 2008 I made the jump to London starting by sharing a 4 bedrooms flat with other 7 people.  The first 3 months in this city I was the BEST time of my life without having to work and discovering the city, having fun on the way while learning English.  Even going to buy milk to the local shop was already exciting!!  🙂 

Of course London is a lot of fun when you have money.  But after 3 months there, money was running out so I had to work to get some income.  First job was part-time Starbucks and it was not enough. Luckily 2 months later I found a job in an energy company as engineer so my money challenges were solved.

My 7 flatmates + visitors in a bar in Brick Lane (London). Never a dull moment in that house

From London to the Dorf for 1 year…  and are already 13 years.

Düsseldorf and Germany were never really in my plans.  But I got the opportunity with my company from UK to come to Düsseldorf for 1 year as an expat.  This type of opportunities do not come very often so I was an easy decision.   After that first year experience in Düsseldorf and Germany, it was feeling like too short so I tried to stay here and I found a job at another energy company E.On/Uniper.

After that I guess I had the typical phases of an international:

First 2 years in Dusseldorf were a lot of fun.  Full of expats meeting on regular basis.  There was always something to do, a party to go.

Then, I wanted to integrate more to do more things that just the expat options and I started learning German more serious till I got B2.

At that time I also met my Dutch boyfriend, Jan, in Amsterdam at a Halloween night in a lesbian bar (yeah, that was really scary ;P) and we have been 11 years together since then in relationship meeting each other during the weekends either in Amsterdam like in Dusseldorf.

Travelling around the world from Mexico to Singapore & Bali, from Japan to Guinea Conakry passing by India,…  this gay from the village just wanted to get to know THE WORLD!!!

This photo in one of the National Parks in California: one of our best trips together

2016: the year when the initiative “International LGBTQIA+ Düsseldorf” started.

After being 6 years in Düsseldorf, this “golden cage” city started to feel more like a cage than golden.  I needed to do something.  I started to look for a new job, potentially to move to Amsterdam and looking for ideas on what to do.  This is how it started “Professional LGBTQ networking” (similar to Proudr events now).  Initially we were mainly friends and colleagues (many straight ones).  But slowly it started growing and every time we were adding a new piece to the community:  Internations group, a whatsapp group, events at other locations, more event organizers, more identities :):)

And then in 2020, at the same time that Corona brought us home, this community literally exploded with members, Whatsapp chats, online and in person with distance events.   I guess at that time everybody was craving for social connections.

What else apart from LGBTQ

I am a curious person by nature that always likes to try new things (like new restaurants, new flavors, new activities…) and keep learning and deepening on many different topics.  Some of the initiatives I spent more time in the past have been: learning languages, Taekwondo, Toastmasters-Public speaking, my highest point here was a speech in Burgplatz in Düsseldorf in defense of European Union!!!.  Lately I have been also very active with a left Spanish political party called Podemos.

More into practical actions that eternal debates,  I have fun around building communities, connecting people and facilitating the work of these communities towards a common goal.

Passionate also about Sustainability, I have been involved in many actions to promote sustainable habits like #RiverCleanup, #PlasticFreeJuly, #Veganuary and in general the values of Degrowth where less is more 🙂   In our fight against Climate Change, my favorite quote/believe is:    

“Small acts, when multiplied by MILLIONS OF PEOPLE, can transform THE WORLD”

You dont need to wait for special event to cleanup. This one on the other side of Amsterdam train station